i'm not asking much of you.

well, im my last post i spoke about not knowing how to talk about my life on this blog. but now i kind of feel the need to get some things off my chest. 

i was dating someone. we were official "boyfriend-girlfriend" for four years, until i got confused with my life, didn't know what to do, broke up with him, and treated him poorly for nearly a year. we've since spent the last three years being one of those, "on again, off again" couples. most of it was on again, and it was fine and i was happy having him in my life. i had made it clear that it was him i wanted to be with (after my 9 month lapse of judgement), and i patiently waited. waited for his hurting over what i had done years ago to be over, waited for him to be okay with where we were at. i waited. i probably shouldn't have waited. but don't take my waiting as him treating me poorly. he was kind, sweet, and well, i love(d) him. i still do. but he has since decided that, he needs to make changes in his life. that he needs to do things for himself. and honestly, i'm not mad at him. i'm sad, yes. but after 7 years, that's inevitable.  but he's not the bad guy here.  i just want him to be happy. i want him to be able to do what pleases him, and to find some direction in which he wants to take his life that'll bring him the most happiness possible. i won't be the bitter wind in his face, but rather the silent cheerleader on the sidelines, not saying anything aloud, but wishing him good luck all along. 

i don't know where this leaves me. my heart hurts, and i want him to come back saying it was all a mistake, and for us to make it work, together. but instead, i'll try my best to do well in school, re-immerse myself in my hobbies, and keep listening to music that seems to understand exactly what i want to say, only can't. 

details: 

cardigan: target

dress: forever 21

necklace: handmade by me

tights:   target

shoes: forever 21

on a related note, i can't stop listening to this song. 

or this album.