Saturday, February 4, 2012

i'm not asking much of you.

well, im my last post i spoke about not knowing how to talk about my life on this blog. but now i kind of feel the need to get some things off my chest. 
i was dating someone. we were official "boyfriend-girlfriend" for four years, until i got confused with my life, didn't know what to do, broke up with him, and treated him poorly for nearly a year. we've since spent the last three years being one of those, "on again, off again" couples. most of it was on again, and it was fine and i was happy having him in my life. i had made it clear that it was him i wanted to be with (after my 9 month lapse of judgement), and i patiently waited. waited for his hurting over what i had done years ago to be over, waited for him to be okay with where we were at. i waited. i probably shouldn't have waited. but don't take my waiting as him treating me poorly. he was kind, sweet, and well, i love(d) him. i still do. but he has since decided that, he needs to make changes in his life. that he needs to do things for himself. and honestly, i'm not mad at him. i'm sad, yes. but after 7 years, that's inevitable.  but he's not the bad guy here.  i just want him to be happy. i want him to be able to do what pleases him, and to find some direction in which he wants to take his life that'll bring him the most happiness possible. i won't be the bitter wind in his face, but rather the silent cheerleader on the sidelines, not saying anything aloud, but wishing him good luck all along. 
i don't know where this leaves me. my heart hurts, and i want him to come back saying it was all a mistake, and for us to make it work, together. but instead, i'll try my best to do well in school, re-immerse myself in my hobbies, and keep listening to music that seems to understand exactly what i want to say, only can't. 

cardigan: target
dress: forever 21
necklace: handmade by me
tights:   target
shoes: forever 21

on a related note, i can't stop listening to this song. 
or this album.


  1. I've been there too. Music is most definitely needed in these moments... Be good to yourself!

    Cat xxx

  2. That sounds extremely painful. I had a similar experience myself. The only thing that helps is time really. I hope you're doing ok.

  3. music is a beautiful crutch, so do use it! i'm sorry to hear about this situation, but i think it's good to write it out and get it out there, you know? and i appreciate hearing more about you and your life. keep your chin up, love! xx

  4. Stuff like this is hard, but I truly believe that if something is meant to be it will be. Try to be stay busy and keep your mind on other things. And keep listening to music and writing about it. I know it's hard now, but I know you'll get through this! *hugs*

    I'll be praying for you.

    Also, I love this outfit. That skirt + cardi is great together. <3

  5. I just found your blog, and you're so lovely! I'm sorry about the situation you're in, but stay strong, beautiful! I think things have a funny way of working themselves out in the end.

  6. I'm so sorry Bethany. These situations suck, but it sounds like you've got the best possible mindset about it. If you need anything, let me know.
    Also, you're looking mighty adorable in that dress, my friend.

  7. Aw, Bethany! I admire your honesty and maturity in this whole thing. I know everything will work out for the best (whatever that may be) and that your healthy way of dealing with it will pay off. You're awesome.

  8. I wish I was there to have a "make beffy feel better day" like you did for me when I thought my world was ending (god being a teenager is dramatic) but I'm happy I was there in spirit and texting. love you my befferney<3

  9. Oh my, that sounds really tough after so long of being with someone. I know every situation is so completely but I definitely recommend not keeping any feelings inside. I mean, at the same time it's often not a good idea when people keep texting/calling after breakups, but making sure the other person knows how you feel is so so important too.. just so tricky. Best of luck w/ this & hang in there!

  10. I've never been in that kind of situation so I can hardly imagine how hard it must be. I can imagine, however, that while going through something like this, I'd hate most of the cliche stuff that people say like 'oh well, if it's meant to be...' or something along those lines. You sound like you're going about things pretty sensible and I respect that so much. It's so much easier to go delusional and drown in your own sorrow but you're not doing that and that's so awesome of you. I personally don't believe in things that are 'meant to be', more that life is just basically curcimstances and actions. Some of it you controle, some of it you don't. The shit you controle is hard but the shit you can't controle is even harder. ANYWHO, I'm sorry if I have depressed you because that's not what I meant to do. :-D Life is full of these kinds of horrible situations but humans are hardasses so we'll find a way to deal with it in the end.

    Also, gorgeous colors in your outfit, the ballerina flats are super cute and you are still beautiful as ever.

  11. I hope everything works out for the best!


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